Not every woman who has experienced babyloss wants to have another child, but many women do decide to try to conceive again. Though this path can be fraught with anxiety, trauma triggers, and fear, the anticipated joy of a "Rainbow Baby" often helps babyloss moms to cope with the many challenges of a subsequent pregnancy.
If you haven't heard the term before, a "Rainbow Baby" refers to a living child born after an earlier loss. The conception and birth of a rainbow baby does not erase or negate the life of the baby that died; rather, just as storms and dark weather are required to produce the most beautiful rainbow, the term suggests that a rainbow baby is a colorful extension of the life of the baby that came before him or her. Rainbow babies honor the legacy of their predecessor siblings and allow for the rebirth of hope, happiness, and brighter days.
I know so many women who ached and yearned for their rainbow babies, only to welcome them and feel pulled in many different directions. Often, in the postpartum period, new mothers feel overcome by strong emotions that are both the result of fluctuating hormones as well as new swells of grief for the baby they lost before their rainbow arrived. There are many understandable reasons for waves of sadness: upon giving birth to a healthy child, babyloss moms may feel immense loss because they were unable to do so with the baby that died. This may trigger earlier feelings of grief that centered around their lost babies being unable to fulfill the dreams their mothers had for them: for their first steps, first words, first day of school, and so on.
Furthermore, parenting an infant can be tough: sleep deprivation is overwhelming, breast or formula feeding may feel complicated and burdensome, and if there are other siblings to take care of, a new rainbow mom may feel as though she exists only for her child(ren). It's common to go long stretches without any form of reprieve, from bathroom break to shower to any form of true physical rest. During times like these, I've heard new mothers berate themselves, saying things like "I wanted this baby for so long...I shouldn't be struggling! I shouldn't be hating it! What's wrong with me?" The answer: Nothing. You are entitled to wrestle with having a new baby in spite of your earlier loss. Time and time again, I've provided the same advice: It's OK to feel simultaneously grateful and resentful. Your life is full of new and overwhelming changes. The steep learning curve of parenting a living child is one of life's toughest transitions made all the harder by welcoming a baby after loss. In telling yourself how you should or shouldn't feel during the postpartum period, you create unreasonable and unfair expectations for yourself that will only lead to self-shaming and disappointment. Just because your rainbow is here and in your arms doesn't mean you have to love every moment!
Emotions are raw and tender, and some new moms may feel as though by caring for their new baby, they are neglecting the memory of the baby that died. This could not be further from the truth. You honor both babies on this parenting journey, and you do not need to constantly remind yourself that you lost a baby in order to care for the baby in your arms. Afterall, you know, deep down, that you'll never forget the baby you lost.
What do you need to survive the postpartum phase? As much self-forgiveness and grace as possible. A good sense of humor and some light, bingeable Netflix series to watch during late night feedings also help a ton (I recommend Schitt's Creek or even the oldie but goodie, Friends). If you don't have family or friends that live locally to help, consider hiring a postpartum doula to offer both emotional and practical support. If you have friends asking what they can do to help, consider asking them to create a meal schedule like the ones at Take them a Meal. Lean on others as much as you feel comfortable, and remember to clean when the baby cleans :D. Breathe, mama. You'll get through this.
You can self schedule an in-person or virtual therapy session at the Center for Growth by calling (215) 922- LOVE (5683) x 100.
Our Guarantee: If after your first session you are not sold that you are working with the right therapist, do not hesitate to call our intake line at 215 922 5683 x 100 or Alex at (267) 324-9564 and ask to be rescheduled with another therapist. The choice of how you want to proceed is yours. Our only goal is to support you in becoming the best you possible.
For your convenience, we have brick and mortar offices and work with clients virtually in Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, New Jersey, New Mexico, Pennsylvania, and Virginia.
Physical Therapy Office Locations:
Ocean City Therapy Office 360 West Ave, Floor 1, Ocean City, NJ 08226
Mechanicsville Therapy Office 9044 Mann Drive, Mechanicsville Virginia, 23116
Society Hill Therapy Office 233 S. 6th Street, C-33, Philadelphia PA 19106
Art Museum / Fairmount Therapy Office 2401 Pennsylvania Ave, Suite 1a2, Philadelphia PA 19130
Providence Therapy Office 173 Waterman St. Providence, RI 02906
Fayetteville Therapy Office 101 Devant Street #606, Fayetteville GA 30214
Santa Fe Therapy Office, 2204 B Brothers Road, Santa Fe, New Mexico, 87505
Telemedicine Therapy Locations: We have therapists who are licensed to work in Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, New Jersey, New Mexico, Pennsylvania and Virginia and Pennsylvania
Therapy Services Offered in Fayetteville, Ocean City, Mechanicsville, Philadelphia, Providence, Santa Fe:
Individual Counseling and therapy
Couples Counseling and marriage counseling
Teen Therapy and Adolescent Therapy and tweens and child counseling
Family Therapy and multi-generational counseling
Art Therapy and Counseling no art skills needed
ADHD Therapy and ADD, Dyslexia, Autism, Tourettes counseling
Anxiety, Panic, OCD Therapy and worry and fear support
Breaking the cycle of Codependency and being your own person
Overcoming Chronic Illness and Chronic Pain .
Depression Therapy and sadness, gloom, and upset support
Functional Neurological Disorder (FND) Therapy is a particular style of therapy designed for people with problems affecting their nervous system, how the brain and body send and receive signals.
Grief Therapy and loss, End of A Relationship, rejections, pregnancy and loss and therapy
Mindfulness Based Therapy and spirituality based therapy
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery child of, parent of, spouse of, sibling of a narcissist.
Sex Therapy and sexual function & dysfunction, sex addiction, sexual orientation and gender identity support
Trauma Therapy both emotional and sexual abuse, complex trauma, PTSD counseling
Divorce support
Affairs, Infidelity, Unfaithful, Cheating counseling
Parenting therapy
Personality disorder treatments Narcissist, Borderline, Histrionic
Setting Boundaries and identifying ones own Core Beliefs
Just name some of the Mental Health issues that we work with. Our goal is to help you Change and Achieve Your Dreams
