Feeling “Lost” in College:
Did you get dropped off at college, filled with expectations of starting “the best years of your life,” only to end up feeling like you MUST be doing this college thing wrong? You are not alone. As the excitement of starting college begins to wear off, many students find themselves struck with a multitude of unexpected feelings such as loneliness, uncertainty, anxiety, and self-doubt. The transition from high school to college, with its increased independence and responsibility, can be overwhelming. If you’re feeling lost in college, know that it is a common experience. It is a harsh reality that college may not be what you expected, but understanding the roots of this experience and adopting healthier perspectives can help you navigate this challenging period with greater ease and confidence.
Causes of Feeling Lost in College
While everyone's experience can be different, there are some common factors that contribute to feeling lost in college:
Expectation Vs Reality: Many enter college with expectations of a certain experience. Maybe these expectations were that you would find an amazing friend group right away, or somehow instantly feel more mature. Maybe you expected to not be homesick, and maybe you expected that classes would be a breeze. Whatever your expectations were, it can be extremely distressing when they don't match the reality. It's ok to be upset about this.
Major Life Transition: Leaving the familiarity of home and entering a new environment can be both exciting and draining. This sudden shift can trigger feelings of anxiety and uncertainty. It is important to give yourself grace when undertaking this major life adjustment. College life often requires adapting to a new routine, making independent decisions, and taking on responsibilities that can be quite different from what you were used to in high school.
Academic Pressure: College often comes with a heavier academic workload and higher expectations than high school. Balancing classes, assignments, and exams can be overwhelming, especially with increasing pressure from parents and society to hone in on a career path. Many students feel the weight of performing well academically, which can lead to stress and burnout.
Social Adjustments: Making friends in college is a significant part of the experience, but it can also be a source of stress. It may seem like everyone around you is making friends easily, which can cause feelings of self-doubt. Adjusting to new social norms and finding your social circle can take time and patience.
Career Uncertainty: Choosing a major and planning for a future career can be a source of significant stress. The fear of making the wrong choice or not finding a job post-graduation can be paralyzing. Many students worry about their future and whether they are on the right path, which can lead to anxiety and indecision.
Identity Exploration: College is a time for self-discovery. While this can be exciting, it can also be confusing as you try to figure out who you are and what you want out of life. The process of exploring different aspects of your identity, including your values, beliefs, sexuality, and interests, can be both enlightening and challenging.
Shifting Relationships: For many, college is a time when people move out of their home, and thus spend less time with family and friends that they typically relied on for social support. For those commuting to college, it might be a time when you feel pressure to form new relationships at school, but have trouble due to feeling “stuck” in the same place at home. Forming new friendships and finding your social circle can be challenging. The pressure to fit in or the fear of missing out (FOMO) can lead to feelings of isolation and anxiety.
Financial Anxiety: The cost of college has significantly risen in recent decades. Students have to juggle the gravity of taking out significant student loans with their desire to have a quality education and carve out a successful career path. This can cause significant anxiety. Additionally, inflation on just about every necessity is causing stress for college students. Everyone is in a different boat—either receiving financial help from family, working a part-time job, or working a full-time job in college. Any of these situations can be stressful, whether it is stress about one's family spending too much on them, stress about not being able to afford their lifestyle, or stress about being burnt out from balancing work and school.
Strategies to Feel Less Lost in College
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: The first step in dealing with any issue is acknowledging it. It’s okay to feel lost; it’s a natural part of the college experience. Accepting your feelings without judgment can reduce feelings of guilt and anxiety. Recognize that you are not alone and that many students experience similar emotions during their college journey.
2. Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Whether it’s friends, family, or campus resources like counseling services, talking about your struggles can provide relief and grounding. Check out your university’s mental health resources such as support groups, seminars, or individual counseling. Many colleges offer free or low-cost mental health services, and seeking professional help can provide you with valuable coping strategies and support.
3. Set Realistic Goals: Setting small, achievable goals can help you regain a sense of control and direction in your college experience. Break down your larger goals—academic, career, personal, or friendship goals—into manageable steps and celebrate your progress along the way. For example, rather than having a goal to “figure out what you want to major in,” make it a smaller goal such as “take a class in something I'm interested in.” This approach can help you build momentum and confidence.
4. Explore Different Interests: If you’re unsure about your major or career path, take this time to explore different interests. Enroll in classes you might not have expected to like, join clubs, or volunteer. Exposure to various fields can help you discover what truly resonates with you. Even if you don’t see anything you're interested in, it can be just as helpful to rule out something you don’t like as it is to find something you do like.
5. Practice Self-Care: Taking care of your physical and mental well-being can be difficult in an environment that may encourage unhealthy habits. The dining hall food may not be the best, dormitories can be loud, and among all the stress of college, physical activity can be hard to pencil in. Ensure you’re getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and engaging in regular physical activity by making necessary changes to your lifestyle. If the dining hall food is making you feel lethargic or un-energized, take an inventory of healthy options that are accessible to you. If you are having trouble sleeping in a noisy dorm, consider adopting a “sleep routine” that might include noise-canceling headphones, a white noise machine, a sleep mask, essential oils, or other sleep aids. Mindfulness practices like meditation or yoga can also help manage stress and improve your mood.
6. Develop Time Management Skills: Effective time management can alleviate academic pressure. Create a balanced schedule that includes study time, rest, and recreational activities. Using tools like planners or apps can help you stay organized. Prioritize your tasks and set aside specific times for studying, socializing, and self-care. This balance can help you stay on track and reduce feelings of being overwhelmed.
7. Embrace the Journey: Understand that it’s okay not to have everything figured out right away. College is a journey, and figuring things out is what you are supposed to be doing! Embrace the uncertainty as a part of your growth process and be patient with yourself. Allow yourself the freedom to explore different paths and make mistakes. Every experience, whether positive or negative, contributes to your personal growth and development.
Remember Your Worth
Recognizing the social constructs around college success can help to overcome related struggles. We are constantly bombarded with messages that equate our worth with our academic performance, looks, or social status, but it is crucial to remember that these messages are designed to make us feel inadequate. By embracing a healthier, more realistic approach to college life, we can reclaim our self-worth and enjoy our college experiences without the shadow of self-doubt.
Schedule a Therapy Appointment Now if you're Feeling "Lost" in College in Philadelphia
Even after reading all of these tips for dealing with feeling lost in college, you may still feel like this is an ongoing struggle. Seeing a therapist might be able to help you. If you would like more support on your path to a healthier, more enjoyable college experience, please schedule an appointment with one of our trained clinicians. They can help shape and guide your journey with evidence-based approaches. Help is only a phone call away. Call (215) 922-LOVE, extension 100. You can also schedule an appointment at thecenterforgrowth.com/therapy/schedule-an-appointment. A therapist at the Center for Growth will be more than happy to help you on this journey. We have offices located in Society Hill, Philadelphia; Fairmount, Philadelphia; Ocean City, New Jersey; Mechanicsville, Virginia; Fayetteville, Georgia; and Santa Fe, New Mexico that offer in-person treatment. We also see clients virtually from Pennsylvania, New Jersey, New Mexico, Florida, and Georgia.
