Do you feel overwhelmed by the pressure to perform, excel, and maintain appropriate boundaries in the workplace? Are you constantly going above and beyond, yet seeing no reward for the fruits of your labor? Do you attach personal meanings to your work performance, such as interpreting constructive criticism as “they hate me!”. The pressures of work can be intense, and you are not alone. Amidst these pressures, many employees find themselves falling into the trap of people-pleasing—a behavioral pattern where an individual goes out of their way to please others, often at the expense of their own well-being. While a cooperative and helpful attitude is valued in any professional setting, people-pleasing goes beyond healthy cooperation and can lead to negative consequences for both personal and professional life. This article delves into what people-pleasing behavior in the workplace looks like, its causes, effects, and strategies to overcome it.
What Does People-Pleasing Behavior in the Workplace Look Like?
People-pleasing behavior in the workplace often manifests in subtle yet significant ways that can impact your professional life and mental well-being. Here are some common signs:
1. Doing Tasks Above Your Pay Grade or Job Description
One of the most common signs of people-pleasing in the workplace is consistently taking on tasks that are outside your work agreement or beyond your level of responsibility. While occasionally, going above and beyond can demonstrate dedication, regularly doing so without recognition could mean that you are being exploited. People-pleasers may feel compelled to accept these additional tasks in an effort to gain approval or avoid disappointing their boss or coworkers, even when it means stretching themselves too thin.
2. Going Out of Your Way to Do Tasks for Praise
A people-pleaser may find themselves constantly seeking validation and approval from their colleagues or bosses. This often leads to taking on extra tasks or projects, not out of genuine interest or responsibility, but as a way to garner praise and recognition. The need for external validation can become a driving force, leading to a cycle of overcommitment and a distance from ones own wants and needs.
3. Fear of Others Being Mad at You for Not Taking on Extra Tasks
People-pleasers often harbor an intense fear of disappointing others or facing disapproval. This fear can manifest as a reluctance to decline additional tasks, even when they are overwhelmed. The anxiety of potentially angering a colleague or boss can push a people-pleaser to say "yes" to everything, further increasing their workload and stress levels. Maintaining boundaries and self-advocacy is a serious struggle for people pleasers.
4. Taking Criticism Personally
Constructive criticism is a normal part of professional growth, but people-pleasers often take it to heart in a deeply personal way. They may interpret feedback as a reflection of their self-worth, leading to feelings of inadequacy or low self esteem. This hypersensitivity to criticism can make it difficult for people-pleasers to separate their work from their identity, causing unnecessary emotional distress. For example, if a people pleaser is given feedback on their work performance, they assign a deeper meaning of that feedback to mean “I’m doing a bad job,” “I’m not good enough,” or “I am stupid” rather than taking the feedback at face value.
What Does People Pleasing in the Workplace Feel Like?
The emotional and physical toll of people-pleasing behavior in the workplace can be significant. Here are some of the common feelings associated with this behavior:
1. Feelings of Burnout from Taking on Too Much
Taking on more work than one can handle inevitably leads to burnout. The constant pressure to perform, combined dwith the overwhelming workload, can leave people-pleasers feeling exhausted and depleted. Burnout not only affects productivity, but also impacts mental and physical health, leading to symptoms of chronic stress, fatigue, anxiety, depression, and burnout.
2. Anxiety Over Workplace Relationships and Whether Everyone Likes You
People-pleasers often care a lot about being liked by everyone in the workplace. This can lead to anxiety over interpersonal relationships, as they constantly worry about how they are perceived by others in the workplace. The fear of conflict or disapproval can result in excessive people-pleasing behaviors, such as over-apologizing, avoiding necessary confrontations, and suppressing their own needs. People pleasers can view the workplace through a social hierarchy as much as a corporate hierarchy, adding increased pressure to be liked or thought of as important. Rather than thinking about how others can support them, they may only think about what they can do for others.
3. Quiet Resentment Over the Extra Work You Are Doing
While people-pleasers may initially feel good about helping others, over time, the imbalance between their efforts and the recognition they receive can lead to quiet resentment. This resentment can build up, creating internal conflict and dissatisfaction with their job and colleagues. It’s a vicious cycle—feeling resentful but being unable to express it for fear of confrontation. Anger can start to build as all the overtime and extra tasks go unrecognized, uncompensated, unappreciated, and unreciprocated.
Causes of People-Pleasing Behavior in the Workplace
Understanding the root causes of people-pleasing behavior is crucial for addressing and overcoming it. Some of the common causes include:
1. Fear of Conflict
People-pleasers often have an intense fear of conflict or negative feedback. This fear drives them to go to great lengths to avoid situations where they might be criticized or where conflict might arise. The desire to be seen as agreeable and easy to work with often outweighs their own needs and boundaries.
2. A Need for Validation
Many people-pleasers have an underlying need for validation from others. This need may stem from past experiences where their worth was tied to how much they pleased others. In the workplace, this can translate into a constant pursuit of approval, which is sought through excessive compliance and self-sacrifice.
3. Equating Work Performance to Self-Worth
People-pleasers often equate their self-worth with their work performance. They may feel that their value as a person is directly linked to how well they perform at work and how much they are liked by their colleagues. This mindset can lead to a relentless pursuit of perfectionism and an inability to set boundaries.
4. Cultural and Societal Influences
Cultural and societal norms play a significant role in fostering people-pleasing behavior. Societal expectations, especially those influenced by hustle culture and capitalist values, often glorify overwork and self-sacrifice, further reinforcing people-pleasing tendencies. Capitalistic society makes it seem like if you aren’t hustling, you are doing something wrong. There is less of an emphasis on the importance of work-life balance and self care. The idea that you are doing tasks in exchange for money seems taboo when hustle culture and company culture are brought into the mix.
5. Toxic Workplace Environment
A toxic workplace environment, where employees are encouraged to compete against each other or where there is a lack of support and recognition, can lead to people-pleasing behaviors. In such environments, people-pleasers may feel compelled to go above and beyond in an attempt to survive or thrive. This can look like the “norm” being to work through lunch, not take PTO, or work beyond your hours just because that is the “culture” of the job. These norms can make it hard to set personal boundaries and stick to your contractual obligations if everyone else is going beyond them.
Negative Effects on Personal Well-being
People-pleasing behavior can have severe negative effects on personal well-being, including:
1. Increased Stress and Burnout
Taking on too much work and constantly seeking approval can lead to chronic stress and burnout. The physical and emotional toll of constantly putting others' needs before your own can be debilitating, leading to exhaustion, anxiety, and a diminished quality of life.
2. Loss of Personal Identity and Self-Worth
When your self-worth is tied to how much you can please others, it can be easy to lose sight of who you are and what you want. Over time, people-pleasers may find themselves feeling disconnected from their true selves, struggling with a sense of identity loss and low self-esteem. For the people pleaser, not getting that promotion can make them feel like a failure in all aspects of life, rather than being able to compartmentalize their role. People pleasers may also be so overwhelmed with work that they find themselves only talking about their job outside of work, which can put a strain on outside relationships.
3. Mental Health Issues
The constant stress and pressure of people-pleasing can contribute to the development of mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. The fear of disappointing others, combined with the relentless pursuit of perfectionism, can lead to feelings of hopelessness, inadequacy, and a pervasive sense of unhappiness.
Consequences for Professional Life
In addition to the personal toll, people-pleasing behavior can also have significant consequences for your professional life:
1. Decreased Productivity and Job Satisfaction
When you’re constantly overextended, it’s difficult to maintain high levels of productivity. The stress of managing an overwhelming workload can lead to mistakes, decreased efficiency, and ultimately, lower job satisfaction. What’s more, when people-pleasers don’t receive the recognition they seek, they may begin to feel undervalued and unappreciated, further diminishing their motivation and satisfaction at work.
2. Strained Relationships with Colleagues
While people-pleasers aim to please everyone, their behavior can sometimes have the opposite effect. Colleagues may become frustrated with a people-pleaser’s inability to say no, leading to strained relationships and potential conflicts. Furthermore, the quiet resentment that people-pleasers often feel can create tension and distance in workplace relationships.
3. Limited Career Growth and Missed Opportunities
People-pleasers often find themselves stuck in their current roles, unable to take on new challenges or pursue career advancement. The constant need to meet others' expectations leaves little room for personal and professional growth. Additionally, by always saying "yes" to others, people-pleasers may miss out on opportunities that align more closely with their own goals and aspirations.
4. Loss of Work-Life Balance
People-pleasing behavior often spills over into personal life, leading to a loss of work-life balance. The inability to set boundaries at work can result in long hours, bringing work home, and sacrificing personal time for professional obligations. This imbalance can strain personal relationships and lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and burnout.
How to Identify People-Pleasing Behaviors in Yourself
Recognizing people-pleasing behavior in yourself is the first step toward change. Here are some strategies to help you identify these behaviors:
1. Self-Reflection
Take time to reflect on your actions and motivations at work. Ask yourself why you are taking on certain tasks or going out of your way to please others. Are you doing it out of genuine interest, or is it driven by a fear of disapproval? Regular self-reflection can help you become more aware of your tendencies and patterns.
2. Journaling
Journaling can be an effective tool for exploring your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. By writing down your experiences at work, you can gain insights into when and why you engage in people-pleasing behaviors. This can help you identify triggers and develop strategies for change.
3. Honest Feedback from Those You Trust
Sometimes, it can be difficult to see our own behaviors clearly. Seeking honest feedback from trusted colleagues, mentors, friends, or family members can help you to identify people pleasing patterns and tendencies within yourself.
Therapy for People Pleasing in the Workplace
If you are struggling with people pleasing in the workplace, consider seeing a therapist. If you would like more support on your path to a healthier, more enjoyable college experience, please schedule an appointment with one of our trained clinicians. They can help shape and guide your journey with evidence-based approaches. Help is only a phone call away. Call (215) 922-LOVE, extension 100. You can also schedule an appointment at thecenterforgrowth.com/therapy/schedule-an-appointment. A therapist at the Center for Growth will be more than happy to help you on this journey. We have offices located in Society Hill, Philadelphia; Fairmount, Philadelphia; Ocean City, New Jersey; Mechanicsville, Virginia; and Santa Fe, New Mexico that offer in-person treatment. We also see clients virtually from Pennsylvania, New Jersey, New Mexico, Florida, and Georgia.
