Joy and OCD:
Recognizing the Toll of OCD on Joy and Finding Ways to Reclaim it
OCD is a common and complex disorder that is largely misunderstood by the public. Many associate it with excessive cleaning, sometimes even going so far as to make light-hearted statements like “I’m a bit OCD about keeping my bathroom clean” if they consider themselves a nitpicky cleaner. But in actuality, OCD is not simply a preference for order or cleanliness. It is instead a pervasive condition which can gradually alienate a person from the aspects of their life they hold most dear, perhaps narrowing their existence into an increasingly dysfunctional and debilitating cycle of anxiety, preoccupation and avoidance. Sadly, the more it is fed, the larger it grows, eventually overshadowing engagement with the aspects of one’s life which are actually gratifying and meaningful, such as relationships, passions, curiosity and love.
But despite the challenges of this disorder, there is great potential for those with OCD to reclaim joy in their lives and radically transform their relationship to themselves and their mind. Like any new habit, adapting to live more mindfully, joyfully, and kindly towards oneself will take time, just as adapting to working out requires the gradual strengthening and engagement of muscles. But the fruits of making these positive changes for oneself if one has OCD are incomparable to any other gain! You may experience positive feelings towards yourself, others, and life in general that you may have long forgotten could ever be accessible to you - or perhaps have never even experienced before. Although having OCD is a great challenge and unfortunate predisposition to hold, the capacity for transformation and healing with this condition is amazing in so much as one is willing to go out of their comfort zone, try new things, and reframe the ways they may naturally treat themselves. In the article that follows, we will explore what OCD is, how it can negatively impact one’s life, and how one can practically take steps to heal from it and grow towards joyfulness and resilience.
II. Understanding OCD: What it Is and How it Works
Those with OCD experience obsessions- intrusive thoughts which are frightening and are generally contrary to one’s actual values and desires. For example, they may have an unexpected thought pop into their head to the tune of “what if I accidentally harm my loved ones?” or “what if I catch an incurable disease from touching this surface?”or even “what if I’m actually a pedophile and I haven’t known it until now?”
Everyone experiences intrusive thoughts, but what distinguishes someone with OCD is their response to these troubling thoughts. While someone without OCD may experience a moment of anxiety but then eventually forget or stop engaging with the thought, a person with OCD tends to get more stuck on the thought, often believing there is more significance and truth in it, perseverating on it until there appears to be some resolution or sense of certainty. They then begin to develop a compulsive behavioral response to neutralize the anxiety, shame or uncertainty associated with the possibility of the intrusive thought being true. These compulsions can also be mental, such as ruminating on a thought or seeking constant reassurance.
III. The Paradoxical Relationship Between OCD and Values
A. OCD and Personal Values
One aspect of OCD that is commonly overlooked is its strong yet paradoxical relationship with one’s values. There tends to be an underlying fear associated with one’s intrusive thoughts which is related to something one cares about a lot. For example, for someone who fears they will accidentally hurt their children, family and caring for others may be what matters most in their life. Their fear that they will physically harm their child directly opposes their actual value of keeping their family and loved ones safe. They may have an underlying belief system which has overdeveloped their responsibility for keeping others safe.
B. The Role of Shame and Self-Doubt
Over time, this may cause them to not be able to trust that they will do what they can to keep their loved ones safe, despite their true value to do just that. Shame and self-doubt tend to be major contributors in intensifying the hold of the OCD cycle on a person’s life.
OCD tends to attack and question the things we value the most. Consequently, many tend to develop strong feelings of shame about who they are, often leading to feelings of self-alienation. Many learn to hide this from others, but this comes at the cost of the closeness of their relationships.
IV. The Impact of OCD on Relationships and Self-Perception
A. The Difficulty of Recognizing OCD
The average time between the onset of OCD and its diagnosis is 9 to 17 years. This means that the average person experiences about a decade of these debilitating symptoms without having a name for them. Considering widely held misconceptions about OCD and the tendency to overlook mental compulsions, such as rumination as indicators of OCD, the disorder can go overlooked and misdiagnosed as a general anxiety disorder, despite the mechanisms of the disorder and its treatment varying significantly. This prevalence of misdiagnosis is particularly startling when one considers the impact OCD can have on one’s relationships and sense of self.
B. How OCD Affects Relationships
The emotional isolation caused by hiding OCD symptoms from loved ones often comes at the cost of emotional intimacy and connection. It is hard to feel close to others when you believe there is something unforgivable about yourself which you must hide from them. It is more difficult to act spontaneously, lovingly and genuinely within relationships when fear and compulsive rituals are taking up so much of your mental energy and time. Those with OCD may find that they come to disengage emotionally from their relationships as their symptoms exacerbate, becoming more preoccupied with their battle within than connecting deeply with those most important to them.
C. Self-Criticism and Shame
People with OCD tend to internalize their mistakes, leading to feelings of worthlessness and a tendency towards self-punishment. It is common for those with OCD to feel that they do not deserve to enjoy pleasurable activities, often exacerbating symptoms of depression and reducing positive engagement with one’s own life.
V. The Role of Self-Compassion in Healing from OCD
A. Biological and Learned Aspects of OCD
Those with OCD tend to have a serotonin imbalance in their brains which predisposes them to developing the disorder. This may make them more vulnerable to high anxiety and less likely to experience satisfaction and a sense of calm in response to taking action to mitigate their anxiety. For this reason, those with OCD often benefit from SSRIs which are particularly indicated for OCD.
But aside from this biological component, learned patterns of thought and behavior work to reinforce the cycle of OCD. Acting on the urge to complete a compulsion, whether mental or behavioral, strengthens the addiction to this cycle, making it more difficult to get away from. Luckily there are many tools available to escape this behavioral cycle, working to disband from it and gain freedom from it rather than remaining stuck to it.
- B. Rewiring Neural Pathways
Response prevention, mindfulness, and self-compassion all help to break the obsessive-compulsive cycle and rewire the brain for healing. Although requiring a lot of slow and steady work, consistently choosing to slow down, refrain from engaging in a compulsion, and pay attention to how you feel instead can help you to literally rewire patterns in your brain, so that your ocd-symptoms are not as threatening and all-consuming.
- C. The Importance of Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is the antidote to tendencies toward self-criticism. Treating oneself with kindness and forgiveness is essential for healing. It may not always feel effective (or perhaps justified, if you can’t let go of the suspicion that you don’t deserve it), but over time, choosing to hold compassion for yourself can help you to free yourself from the chains of self-aversion.
Dr. David J. Keuler’s gives great advice on incorporating self-compassion into efforts to heal from OCD: ‘Be forgiving of your mind for its betrayal of peace, for its unwanted thoughts, images, emotions, urges and sensations. [C]ompassion that expresses itself as caring attention, sympathy, warmth, tenderness and tolerance all kindle the wisdom of the brain to heal from OCD.’
VI. Practical Steps for Reclaiming Joy and Self-Worth
- A. Treating Yourself as Worthy, Lovable, and Innocent
There is great importance in changing your internal narratives about your self-worth, despite what your intrusive thoughts have to say. Words, however, may only go so far, if you instinctually tend to live your life as if you are worthless, guilty, and unlovable, perhaps assuming the worst about yourself and always choosing yourself and your needs last. It is instead through physical acts and choices that you can begin to adapt this narrative. Repeated positive self-treatment can bring forth healing in a way you can actually feel, which will help your brain to begin believing that is is actually true.
- B. Techniques for Practicing Self-Compassion
Setting fair, achievable expectations for yourself. Consistently asking yourself to go above and beyond in any given situation can send the message to yourself that you are only valuable or okay when you push yourself to your limits. Choosing to instead tailor your goals and objectives to what is realistic and fair for yourself sends the message that you are deserving of support, understanding and proper boundaries.
Asking yourself helpful, humanizing questions, like “What can I do to support myself during this moment of distress?” or “How can I stay on my own team, even given this obstacle?”
Nurturing self-care: Providing nourishing meals, creating comforting living spaces, engaging in enjoyable routines, and providing comfort and compassion to yourself when you are upset, as a good parent would for their child.
Practicing writing or saying positive affirmations about yourself that you would like to believe. Eg. “I am worthy of love and respect, even when I don’t think I am.” or “It is okay to feel anxious,” or “I am lovable even when I make mistakes.”
Writing encouraging letters to yourself or lists of things you love about yourself.
Forgiving yourself for mistakes, by recognizing external factors that were out of your control, and being curious about what valuable information you may learn from them.
As a closing reminder, healing is a process, and it’s okay to seek help and be patient with yourself! If you are finding that you could use additional support, a therapist who specializes in OCD treatment can be a fantastic ally in healing from pervasive patterns of shame and rumination and finding inner joy again. Feel free to schedule a counseling session with one of our therapists at The Center For Growth.
