Living Well While Gluten-Free
When you go gluten-free you realize just how many of our culture’s customs and rituals revolve around gluten. Have you ever heard phrases like: ‘share a cold beer’, ‘breaking bread’, or ‘takes the cake’? Many of the foods that are most common or the foundation for a lot of modern American meals are made with gluten. What does breakfast look like without a bagel or toast? How can you be an American and not be able to eat a burger or fried chicken? What happens to birthdays when you can’t eat cake? Thanksgiving when you can’t have pie? Christmas when you can’t have cookies? Living well while gluten-free is more than a diet. It is a huge life shift that affects not only your daily life but all of life’s biggest moments.
Living well while gluten-free is not an easy lifestyle shift to make and it can make social and life events frustrating or challenging. In this article, here are some tips to help you deal with feeling left out during family festivities, helpful tips about how to navigate a beer garden menu, and ways to navigate other social situations you may encounter.
Navigating Anxiety and Frustration
It can be frustrating to feel left out of family rituals or feel pressured to think through every meal before going away for the weekend with friends. Unfortunately, feeling frustrated about it is completely normal and there are many tricks you can use to make life easier for you. I know I’ve had a few instances of getting to the point of tears because I couldn’t eat a cake at a party or had to leave an event to track down some food I could eat. In these moments it’s important to be patient with yourself. Yes, it can make you feel silly or stupid to cry over something so small, but it IS a big deal that you can’t eat cake at your best friend’s wedding. It is important to give yourself grace and space to feel the big feelings that may come up when navigating a gluten-free life. It is also important to remember that it is just a piece of cake and it does not prevent you from engaging in the important rituals and spending time with your close friends and family.
Besides the organizational stress that comes with not being able to eat gluten at family holidays or birthday parties, there is the inevitable anxiety or frustration that comes up when navigating these situations. When you are not hosting a gathering, you may have anxiety about what you are going to eat at the event. I have also found that I have anxiety about my friends who are trying to cook gluten-free for me. The first thing to remember is that it’s the thought that counts and takeout is always an option (I recommend tacos: gluten-free and not too expensive!). In addition, finding the humor in these situations can be a party-saving hack. Below are a few tips & tricks to living well while gluten-free at social events:
Let the host know you will be bringing a GF entree and/or dessert to share! This will take the pressure off from the host trying to make sure you have something to eat. In addition, if you make enough to share, you won’t be stuck eating something different than everyone else.
If the host insists on making a GF cake or dinner, provide them with some of your favorite recipes or your best GF cooking tips. If you live close, you could also offer to head over early and help them prepare the meal.
If you aren’t a great cook or live far away, you can always offer to pick up a cake or dessert from your favorite GF bakery or recommend that the group take out pizza from a place that has the option for GF or another GF-friendly option.
Lean into the humor! If you are truly worried that the GF cake/dessert your friend is making is going to be terrible feel free to pick up a regular cake or dessert as a backup. Show up with a joke like “I wouldn’t want any of you to be gluten-deprived!”.
How to talk to people about it
Because food is central to many social functions, your allergies may become an ice-breaker or a go-to talking subject. I have had so many people come up to me at functions and one of the first topics of conversation we discuss is my chronic illness. There is almost no other social situation where someone's private medical information is seen as up for grabs and the topic is almost impossible to avoid because most social situations involve food of some sort. In addition, it may feel rude of me to tell someone I just met that no, I don’t want to discuss my private medical diagnosis with you, person who I just met. Can you imagine a world where someone feels comfortable going up to someone they don’t know at a party and saying “So, I hear you have cancer, what’s that like for you?”. Living well while gluten-free involves setting some boundaries. Below are some examples of ways to guide the conversation away from your allergy:
“Yeah, it’s hard eating GF. Did you know that companies don’t have to always say if their food has gluten in it?”
“Yeah, Sally was really sweet in baking a GF cake for me. She’s such a talented baker, you can’t even tell! The party is beautiful right?”
“Yeah, thanks to the suburban moms of the 90’s there are a ton of GF options in stores now. They even have gluten-free Oreos!”
“My diet’s so boring; I’d love to hear more about what you do!”
Socializing while gluten-free
Unfortunately, there are just some things that you are going to have to give up. However, there are almost always ways you can improve your experience by communicating clearly or planning. Below are some situations that you may encounter after switching to a gluten-free life and some tips and tricks to help you still get a sweet treat!
- Corporate Meals- It’s always bagels, sandwiches, cookies, and brownies.
Hopefully, they will have food allergies noted and you will have meals that you can eat, but make sure to bring some GF chocolate or a few GF cookies so you still get a sweet treat at the end of the day.
- Continental breakfasts- many of these are just gluten on gluten on gluten.
Unless you know there will be some scrambled eggs or an omelet station, I recommend going out for breakfast. If that’s not an option, make sure to pack some GF protein bars so you have some protein to pair with your fruit salad.
- Breweries- many breweries are starting to have GF beer, but if not, they will have a cider or wine option for you.
If going for dinner, check the menu ahead of time or give the place a call to make sure there’s something safe for you to eat. Typically there’s always a salad option that would be safe.
- Diners- Make sure to check how things are being cooked (French tops are typically not cleaned between meals). Also, double-check that the milkshake machine is cleaned in case they use malt!
Typically, diners are able to cook their food in a separate pan to keep it safe from cross-contamination. A call ahead or consultation with your server should narrow your choices down to the safest ones.
- Fair food- EVERYTHING IS DEEP FRIED and COVERED WITH GLUTEN.
Please bring a few GF granola bars if you plan to be there for more than a few hours. There are sometimes cafes or food stalls that are safer (any food that has a base of rice is a good place to start). Many festivals and fairs have a list of the vendors that will be there. If so, you can scope out a few GF-friendly looking spots ahead of time.
- Food trucks- to be honest, I cheat with these sometimes but many don’t have the space to keep you safe unless the entire truck is GF.
The best option with food trucks is to consult with the cooks themselves. Be clear about your safety concerns and they will let you know if their food is safe for you.
- Bakeries- unfortunately, us GF peeps tend to be caught up with the vegans so most of the time your option may also be lacking cheese, butter, or the joy of life.
On the bright side, GF bakeries are getting more and more popular! Take a minute to google the one that’s closest to you. It’s a great thing to know for any family event or party.
The most important thing to remember is that even though you may have to put a little more work in to keep yourself safe, you are not missing out on the important parts of these events: the people! As you move through your transition to a gluten-free life, you will find out what your favorite style is. Are you the person who always brings delicious homemade baked goods? Do you show up to every birthday with your favorite GF bakery’s devil’s food cake? Are you someone who’s happy to much on the strawberries and cream after they cut the cake? Once you figure out your style and have a few safe restaurants and takeout places, life will fall back into place and you will spend less time thinking about it. If you do find yourself struggling with the transition, don’t hesitate to reach out to The Center for Growth to schedule a session. You can book an appointment HERE or give us a call at (215)-922-5683 x 100.
