The Loneliness Epidemic
Are you an adult struggling with making friends in the city? Do you find yourself feeling isolated, alone, and yearning for companionship despite being surrounded by thousands of people daily? You are not alone (even though you might feel alone) in your experience and this is nothing to feel ashamed about. As a country, we are experiencing a loneliness epidemic that has massive social, health, and economic repercussions for both individuals and society as a whole. The rising amount of social disconnection between individuals has led to a public health crisis.
Since the 90s, there has been a steady decline in the number of friendships people report. While the pandemic certainly did not help, this trend of increased social isolation was evident long before the lockdowns. Recent studies have shown that more than half of U.S. adults are experiencing loneliness, and that rate is even higher for young adults (The U.S. Surgeon General). This data and more suggest that loneliness and isolation are the most widespread health issues in the United States.
Why is social connection so important?
Humanity has relied on community and relationships since the beginning of our existence to survive. This applies not only to tangible needs, such as raising a family and having access to food, water, and shelter but also to our innate, fundamental need for human connection. We truly do get by with a little help from our friends.
Social disconnection can impact a person’s socioeconomic opportunities by decreasing access to material goods, transportation, housing, childcare, and healthcare services, among many others. Decreased social connectedness has been shown to negatively impact performance and growth opportunities at work, lower academic achievement, and even reduce overall community safety, prosperity, and resilience. Studies have shown that social disconnection impacts our physical health and can actually lower our lifespan, resulting in the equivalent amount of damage to smoking 15 cigarettes a day (The U.S. Surgeon General). Additionally, loneliness and isolation can have serious mental health implications, such as increased feelings of anxiety, depression, low self-worth, lack of meaning and fulfillment, and even suicidal ideation or self-harm. Turns out making friends in the city is vital for both your physical and mental health.
So why is our nation experiencing such high levels of social isolation?
If human connection is so important, then why are we feeling so disconnected in the modern age? With untethered access to others via technology, making friends in the city should be easy, and yet millions of people across the U.S. report feeling more socially isolated than ever before. It turns out technology may be contributing to this phenomenon. We can do almost anything we need to do online now, be it ordering groceries, shopping, entertainment, schooling, doctor appointments, and even working. However, because of this, we are not having the same amount of interactions with other people, especially with people in our communities. Technology can at times increase our level of connection, but when it replaces face-to-face interactions, it can be harmful and lead to increased social isolation.
Aside from technological advancement, there are many reasons why an individual or community might be experiencing social disconnection and loneliness, from a micro to a macro level. Some examples of factors that impact social connection include:
Moving to a new place
Undergoing a major lifestyle change
Level of safety in your community
Mental and physical health and abilities
Availability of resources and recreational spaces in your community
Access to transportation and housing
Economic status of yourself and your community
Discrimination or feeling “othered” in your community
Fear of social rejection, bullying, or harassment
What can we, as individuals, do about this?
It is important to note that there are some factors beyond our control and ways in which certain communities are unfairly impacted by social and economic oppression that can lead to higher levels of social isolation. However, it takes the power of community to break down those barriers, and you can be a part of that change while combatting your own feelings of loneliness in the process! Community is essential for personal growth, prosperity, fulfillment, physical and mental health, and social change. I’ve made a list of some ways to connect with others and start making friends in the city that hopefully has something for everyone.
Here are some ways you can initiate community building and making friends in the city:
Visit your local businesses! Shop locally and support small business owners in the process. Skip your morning Starbucks run and go to a local cafe instead! Meet your local baristas, servers, retail workers, business owners, and maybe even befriend some regulars that frequent local spots. Check out a farmers market or night market if there’s one near you and support local farmers and artisans as well!
Meet your neighbors (if you feel safe doing so!). Bake cookies and knock on doors to give them away and just say hi! It can be good to establish connections where you live in case you need a favor or to feel safer in an emergency.
Look up events in your area. This could be open mic nights, comedy shows, live music, theatre, dance, poetry readings, board game nights, candle-making, wine tasting, whatever it is you like, you can probably find it!
Join your local library and check out the events offered there! Maybe even join a book club. It doesn’t hurt to have free access to computers, books, movies, and WiFi, either.
Join a club or a class to learn a new skill! What do you like? What do you want to learn? There’s something for everyone out there. Dungeons and dragons, knitting, movies, cooking, dog-walking, improv, plants, pottery-making, hiking, trivia, photography, working out, sports, books, arts, games – you name it! There's a club for almost everything and if you can’t find the club you’re looking for, START ONE! There are others that share your interests, too. (P.S., If you live in Philadelphia and can’t think of an activity you’d like to join a club for, there's a great walking group for women and non-binary people called Philly Girls Who Walk that organizes walks in different parts of the city for the purpose of getting outside, getting active, and meeting others!)
Join a gym or other workout center. Want to get into fitness, or try a new activity? Whether it’s martial arts, pole dancing, yoga, self-defense, lifting, cycling, or HIIT, there’s a gym for you!
Volunteer locally! Parks, community gardens, shelters and soup kitchens, animal sanctuaries, political organizations, organized community clean-ups, and other non-profits often need volunteers. This is a great way to meet and connect with others who share your values and passions and to invest in your community!
Check out your local recreation center! Rec centers often have pools, sport facilities, classes and activities, and indoor/outdoor spaces to gather or hang out, and best of all, they are FREE!
YMCA/YWCA: Join and have access to gyms, fitness classes, events, counseling, educational classes, career development and leadership opportunities, activities and camps for youth, childcare, ways to get involved and volunteer, and more!
Become comfortable with going places by yourself. When you’re experiencing loneliness, it can be hard to feel motivated to leave your home and go places if you don’t have anyone to go with. But staying home will only increase your social isolation and negatively impact your mental health. There’s plenty you can do by yourself, and if you’re feeling embarrassed, I promise, it’s more common to go to public spaces alone than you’d think! Normalizing going places alone and enjoying your own company can be really empowering. Eating meals, having a cup of coffee, visiting museums, seeing a movie, and walking around parks or going on a hike are all great ways to enrich your life solo and maybe meet others along the way!
Speed dating events. I know it sounds corny and outdated, but speed dating still exists! If you’re trying to meet other singles in your area and you’re tired of swiping left, consider joining a speed dating event. The worst thing that can happen is that you meet other people living in your community!
Connect with others who share an aspect of your identity. This could be your spirituality, your culture or background, your political ideologies, or your personal identity! Whether that means visiting a house of worship, joining a protest, participating in a food festival hosted by others from your country of origin, celebrating a holiday or ritual experience with those that share your cultural identification, or finding a safe space for people who share your sexuality or gender identification. If you’re interested in exploring an aspect of yourself, but aren’t sure what you’re looking for, shop around and find what feels right to you. You might learn more about yourself in the process!
Join a therapy or support group! Is there something you are struggling with and need support? You can connect with others who are struggling with that issue, too, and find healing through mutual support and understanding. Looking for a group? The Center for Growth has open support groups on Monday and Tuesday evenings. For more information on joining a group, contact us at 215-922-5683 x 100.
Still feeling hopeless?
This list might sound great in theory, but in practice, it is not always easy to put yourself out there. Maybe you read this list and felt it was overwhelming or unattainable for you. Though this list provides some ideas of where to start the process of making friends in the city, sometimes our mental health can prevent us from seeking out connection, even when we need it the most. If you are feeling depressed, anxious, overwhelmed, lonely, down about yourself, are having thoughts of suicide or self-harm, are struggling with a life transition, are fearful of social interactions and/or of leaving your home, or have any other mental health concerns causing you to self-isolate, consider getting help from a mental health professional. The Center for Growth offers therapy for all of these issues and more.
