Have you been in a conversation or a situation where someone has said something that’s triggered you to react? Maybe you’ve become angry, or frustrated, or sad? And once you feel this emotion, you say the first thing that comes to mind? Or allow the emotion to take over your reaction, causing you to cry or yell? Although allowing yourself to express your emotions is important, it is even more important be aware of your emotion and in control of them, rather than allowing your emotion to control you.
Instead of reacting, respond. As you become aware of the emotional reaction you are experiencing, take a few moments to pause. Reflect on how you are feeling, and what you are thinking. Is what you’re thinking appropriate for the situation, or will these thoughts or emotions only fuel a potential argument or upset the other person? It’s important to consider your ultimate goal: are you trying to convey a certain message? Are you trying to truly be heard by the other person? Or are you trying to ultimately just stay calm? Consider what you would say that could help achieve your goal; rather than taking you further away from a resolution.
For example, if the person you are talking to says something that activates you to feel insulted, disappointed, or angered, you can take a few moments to pause and reflect. Practicing deep breathing in this moment may aid in calming your nervous system and lower your emotional activation, which will decrease the likelihood of impulsivity and increase logic. While deep breathing, focus on breathing deep into your diaphragm (belly) rather than your lungs. Ask yourself, “Is this person purposefully trying to hurt me, or is this a simple miscommunication or mis-understanding?” After doing this, ask yourself what your goal is in this conversation. If your goal is not to fight, it is important to respond in a way that is neutral and respectful, rather than saying something that is equally insulting or frustrating to that person. If you allow your hurt or angered emotions to guide your reaction, this will only further the growth and strength of this emotion, not only within you, but also within the person you are communicating with.
Another example may be when you are trying to explain to a friend that you are disappointed or hurt due to cancellation of plans. They may respond in a way that is more hurtful, justifying their actions rather than acknowledging your feelings. Rather than allowing your hurt and sadness to dictate your reaction, causing you to cry and possibly walk away, it will be more valuable to assess the message you are trying to convey to your friend about how hurt you are. Using “I statements” here can help express your emotion and thoughts in a neutral manner. By doing this, rather than becoming emotional, your friend is more likely to hear what you are saying. An I statement is constructed as so: I feel (emotion) when you (action) because _________. Along with using I statements, you can also ask the person for him/her to summarize what you shared, along with their feedback. It can be important to hear each other’s perspectives, but only when in a calmer state of mind, in order to avoid either person becoming defensive.
If you find yourself in a situation where you are unable to take a pause to reflect, it may be best to excuse yourself momentarily in order to gather your thoughts alone. By doing so, you remove the pressure of the situation or person(s) upon your reaction, while giving yourself time to breathe, vent, cry, or call someone in order to gain clarity. Once you feel more centered and focused, you can re-engage with the situation or person, having your ultimate goal or objective in mind, allowing your responses to guide you there.
Controlling your emotions in many different situations or conversations can be learned through becoming more aware of your reaction and ultimate goals of the outcome. Being able to assess the situation with a clear mind, rather than allowing your emotion to control your reaction, will help you communicate effectively and clearly.
You can self schedule an in-person or virtual therapy session at the Center for Growth by calling (215) 922- LOVE (5683) x 100.
Our Guarantee: If after your first session you are not sold that you are working with the right therapist, do not hesitate to call our intake line at 215 922 5683 x 100 or Alex at (267) 324-9564 and ask to be rescheduled with another therapist. The choice of how you want to proceed is yours. Our only goal is to support you in becoming the best you possible.
For your convenience, we have brick and mortar offices and work with clients virtually in Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, New Jersey, New Mexico, Pennsylvania, and Virginia.
Physical Therapy Office Locations:
Ocean City Therapy Office 360 West Ave, Floor 1, Ocean City, NJ 08226
Mechanicsville Therapy Office 9044 Mann Drive, Mechanicsville Virginia, 23116
Society Hill Therapy Office 233 S. 6th Street, C-33, Philadelphia PA 19106
Art Museum / Fairmount Therapy Office 2401 Pennsylvania Ave, Suite 1a2, Philadelphia PA 19130
Providence Therapy Office 173 Waterman St. Providence, RI 02906
Fayetteville Therapy Office 101 Devant Street #606, Fayetteville GA 30214
Santa Fe Therapy Office, 2204 B Brothers Road, Santa Fe, New Mexico, 87505
Telemedicine Therapy Locations: We have therapists who are licensed to work in Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, New Jersey, New Mexico, Pennsylvania and Virginia and Pennsylvania
Therapy Services Offered in Fayetteville, Ocean City, Mechanicsville, Philadelphia, Providence, Santa Fe:
Individual Counseling and therapy
Couples Counseling and marriage counseling
Teen Therapy and Adolescent Therapy and tweens and child counseling
Family Therapy and multi-generational counseling
Art Therapy and Counseling no art skills needed
ADHD Therapy and ADD, Dyslexia, Autism, Tourettes counseling
Anxiety, Panic, OCD Therapy and worry and fear support
Breaking the cycle of Codependency and being your own person
Overcoming Chronic Illness and Chronic Pain .
Depression Therapy and sadness, gloom, and upset support
Functional Neurological Disorder (FND) Therapy is a particular style of therapy designed for people with problems affecting their nervous system, how the brain and body send and receive signals.
Grief Therapy and loss, End of A Relationship, rejections, pregnancy and loss and therapy
Mindfulness Based Therapy and spirituality based therapy
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery child of, parent of, spouse of, sibling of a narcissist.
Sex Therapy and sexual function & dysfunction, sex addiction, sexual orientation and gender identity support
Trauma Therapy both emotional and sexual abuse, complex trauma, PTSD counseling
Divorce support
Affairs, Infidelity, Unfaithful, Cheating counseling
Parenting therapy
Personality disorder treatments Narcissist, Borderline, Histrionic
Setting Boundaries and identifying ones own Core Beliefs
Just name some of the Mental Health issues that we work with. Our goal is to help you Change and Achieve Your Dreams
