Rejections. Ghosting. Hundreds of boutique cover letters wilting in your outbox. They say “nobody wants to work anymore” – so why is it so hard to get a job?
If you’re encountering obstacles in your search, it’s very common to feel discouraged. Especially if you’re jobhunting while queer. You put your whole heart into advertising yourself, and – as so often happens – you don’t even hear a response. It feels personal. You begin to switch up your strategies. Panicked, you continue to edit your resume – again and again and again. Doubts creep in. You wonder: “Maybe it’s me?”
If you’ve been here before, then you know that depression is often the foe that seeps into your cracked confidence. You begin wondering things like “What’s the point?” and tell yourself “Nothing’s working.” And for those who are queer, there is the added layer of: “Is it because of how I identify?”
When you’re jobhunting while queer, navigating professional spaces is inherently tricky, because personal identities are just that – personal. But it’s also natural to want to know if you’ll be accepted by your colleagues before stepping into that role. So you barter with yourself: is it better to hide your personal identifiers for a higher likelihood of getting the job? Or is it better to be unabashedly open and wait for the right company that accepts you?
Maybe you choose to disclose your pronouns. Maybe you don’t. Maybe you decide to wear something affirming to an interview. Maybe you don’t. No matter what you choose, you feel you may have mis-stepped. When you’re jobhunting while queer, there are no easy answers.
You’re stuck testing the waters, and you have nothing but yourself for bait.
How to Alleviate Some of that Pressure
My first piece of advice is this: do your research. The more you can find out about a company in advance, the more confident you’ll be in your choice to disclose any identity-based information to them. Ask yourself: is this a company that supports – and has historically supported – the queer community? One helpful resource in determining this is the Human Rights Campaign’s (HRC) Corporate Equality Index. They put out a new report every year, and you can view previous reports all the way back to 2002, when the project first began. This report assesses participating companies on a wide range of topics, including company non-discrimination policies, equal spousal and domestic partnership benefits, transgender-inclusive benefits, outreach and engagement to the LGBTQ+ community, and corporate social responsibility.
When you’re jobhunting while queer, resources like this serve as an important litmus test to see how one company compares to its competitors in terms of supporting its LGBTQ+ coworkers. Another question to ask yourself is: does this company offer the kinds of medical benefits that I require now or may require in the future? If you’re a trans person seeking gender-affirming care like hormone replacement therapy (HRT) or surgery, ensure that the company you’re applying to covers these kinds of costs under their plans. Mental health coverage is also an important benefit to look for during your investigation.
Next, see if you can find any evidence of outreach or public presence at LGBTQ+ events. Do they attend local Pride festivals? Do they donate to any queer-focused charitable organizations? Have they issued any public statements condemning anti-queer violence or reaffirming their protections for employees? Do they have a diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) initiative or committee? Does HR at this company actively seek out people like you – who are jobhunting while queer – when hiring?
If you know someone who works at the company – or if you’re interviewing there – you can also ask things like “How many openly queer people work here?” and “How does this company handle name changes and sharing pronouns?” If your interviewer has never considered the question or can’t come up with a single example, then maybe this isn’t the best fit for you. It’s also important to consider your own motivations regarding a job: is it more important to be accepted and have people you can relate to at work, or is it more important that the job itself aligns with your interest and expertise?
While many start out their careers with a firm belief in the latter, there’s no “right” answer. It is fairly common for folks to realize after several jobs that they care most about their day to day social sphere than the work itself. This can lead to people broadening their search or changing fields altogether. Again, there is no one path that fits everyone – what’s important is knowing what you want out of a job.
But What About the Depression?
Okay, so you’ve found some jobs you like. They seem like a good fit, and they’ve done more for the LGBTQ+ community than participate in rainbow marketing every June. But you’re still discouraged. And these days, you’ve been having trouble even getting out of bed.
Something that might help you break out of the hopelessness is structuring your time with a firmer schedule. When you’re unemployed, it’s easy to fall into a habit of spending all your waking hours on the computer jobhunting, and it’s easier still to fall into mindset of: “If I’m not applying to jobs every second, I’m going to miss opportunities.” Or, even more harmful: “If I don’t get a job right away, it means I’m lazy, and I don’t deserve to be employed.” If you find yourself thinking these things, it’s a good indicator that you need to step back and reassess what you’re accomplishing.
Implementing a schedule with breaks and certain timeslots dedicated to job applications can help you improve your mental health. That might sound contradictory, I know. You need a job now, so isn’t it better to push through? Simply put, the answer is no. If you consider that the quality of your applications going down the more exhausted and disillusioned you are, taking a break can be a valuable tool to refuel your creative energies. And, if you find yourself on the opposite end of the spectrum – underapplying to new postings – setting a time limit on the activity can help reduce your anxieties about starting in the first place.
When you set aside dedicated time for breaks, you can schedule in hobbies and social interactions that help you decompress and maintain perspective. Perhaps that means watching a show you like, or taking a walk in nature, or grabbing coffee with a friend. Whatever “relaxing” looks like for you, you’ll often feel much more optimistic after stepping away from applications for a bit. Reminding yourself that you can still have fun – and that jobhunting isn’t your entire life – can help you approach your scheduled application hours with more motivation.
Work without reward is grueling – and when you’re jobhunting while queer, the applications themselves can begin to feel like a grueling full-time job. That’s why there’s nothing wrong with rewarding yourself for working hard on an application, even if the company never ends up calling you back. Especially if they don’t call you back. No matter how the company reacts, the time and energy you spent applying didn’t change; it still represents a valid effort on your end. And so, it’s up to you to recognize and reward that effort – right now, you might be the only one who does.
If you find yourself caught in repetitive, negative thoughts like “I don’t deserve to relax,” try asking: “Is this something I would say to a friend?” If the answer is no, it’s not a kind thing to say to yourself, either. Try following it up with a more positive second thought as an exercise. For example, you can turn “I’ll never get a job” into “it may take time, but if I keep applying, I’ll find something”. And “No one will accept me for my identity” can easily be tempered to “Not everyone may accept me, but I will find people who do”.
An important part of these examples is reminding yourself what you do have control over. Often, with situations like jobhunting, it can feel like you have no control whatsoever, and that can be part of what’s so disheartening. But it is possible to acknowledge both that a situation sucks and that you still have the responsibility to change it. It’s not your fault that employers are ghosting you. But if you want your situation to change, you have to keep trying – even though that may seem unfair.
Need Support?
If you’re struggling with these feelings, it never hurts to seek out a more experienced ear. Therapy can help guide you through your jobhunt and all the ugly inadequacies that might arise when you encounter obstacles along the way. Also, if gender and sexuality exploration is new to you, and this is your first time navigating these identities in a work setting, it can be greatly beneficial to talk it through with a professional. Regardless of what stage you’re at in your identity development, we welcome anyone seeking support to call (215-922-5683) or schedule an appointment online.
