Couples Therapy in Philadelphia : Fair Fighting Techniques - Resolving an argument
Successfully resolving an argument requires:
- Bringing the issue up in the moment. By stating what is happening in the moment, gives both parties the opportunity to do something different and resolve the issue. Keep in mind that just because you bring a topic to your partner’s attention does not mean that in the moment the two of you will be able to discuss it in detail.
- Only discussing issues in detail when alone. The issue is between you and your partner and is not meant for anyone else’s ears. As far as other people are concerned, they should only be privy to seeing the two of you treating each other well and getting along.
- Sticking to a particular topic. In others words, if you are arguing about whose turn it is to cook dinner, do not let yourself get off task and start to argue about whose turn it is to do the dishes after dinner or who came home late. Take one topic, and stick to it. By bringing in other issues, you dilute the initial issue and may end up not resolving the initial problem. Worse yet, the two of you may now be arguing about something totally different, which may also not end up getting resolved.
- Keeping it focused. In other words, do not generalize. If you are arguing about whose turn it is do the dishes, talk about whose turn it is. Do not let yourself start talking about who “always” does the dishes. The only issue that counts is in the moment, not yesterday or even tomorrow. The past is the past, and tomorrow is the future.
- Keeping it simple. Complex arguments often loose the other person’s ability to grasp the concept. When speaking keep your points short and simple. After you have made a point, ask your partner to summarize what you have said. Discuss it. Then move on to point number two. Too much information is just that, too much.
After resolving the argument, take a few moments and try to identify how to the two of you argued about that particular issue. In other words, couples tend to have a style of fighting, regardless of what they’re fighting about (called “content”). For example Jane is always easy going, and then when she feels taken advantage of, she will share with Mark the 30 things that he has done wrong over the last month. Mark will become upset because he had no idea that all these things bothered Jane and will then withdraw. Jane becomes increasingly upset because she feels like Mark is not responsive to her. Several days later, they make up. Jane once again acts easy going, particularly because she has learned that Mark withdraws when she raises issues with him. Mark, in an effort to fix things continually tries to please Jane, does many things she does not like, but does not know it. Then eventually when Jane explodes, he becomes upset because he has spent all this effort at pleasing her which is unrecognized. There are many other cycles that could be happening. This above is just one example.
Now that the two of you have identified your typical argument pattern, the next time that you get into an argument, see if you can stop the argument midway, identify where you are in your typical argument cycle. Now do something different to break the pattern. Please note, often simply identifying the cycle is enough to break the tension and cause a positive change to occur between partners. Sometimes resolving an argument takes practice.
Struggling with resolving an argument? Help is available at the Center for Growth / Couples Therapy in Philadelphia.
Couples Counselors Can Help You Resolve Arguments
- Communication improvement: couples counseling can help couples learn better communication skills to resolve conflicts.
- Understanding each other: couples counseling helps partners understand each other's perspective and feelings.
- Identifying patterns: counseling can help identify patterns in arguments and work towards breaking them.
- Setting goals: counseling can help set goals and work towards resolving long-standing issues.
- Building trust: counseling can help rebuild trust and create a safer environment for resolving conflicts.
- Dealing with emotions: counseling provides a safe space to deal with strong emotions and work through them.
- Facilitation: the counselor acts as a neutral third-party to facilitate resolution.
The Center for Growth has offices in multiple states. If you prefer to speak to a live therapist, call our intake department at 215 - 922 - 5683 x 100 or go to a therapist's biography page and call the therapist of your choice directly. Every therapist has their phone number listed on their bio page.
OUR GUARANTEE: you deserve the best couples counselor and marriage therapist possible. If you don't feel like the couples counselor / marriage therapist that you met with was the right fit, then free of charge you can try out a different couples counselor and marriage therapist. Being in a group practices allows for flexibility.
The Center for Growth Has Therapy Offices in PA, NJ, VA, GA, NM, FL
- Ocean City Therapy Office
360 West Ave, Floor 1, Ocean City, NJ 08226 - Mechanicsville Therapy Office
9044 Mann Drive, Mechanicsville Virginia, 23116 - Society Hill Therapy Office
233 S. 6th Street, C-33, Philadelphia PA 19106 - Art Museum / Fairmount Therapy Office
2401 Pennsylvania Ave, Suite 1a2, Philadelphia PA 19130 - Santa Fe Therapy Office, 2204 B Brothers Road, Santa Fe, New Mexico, 87505
- Telemedicine: We have therapists who are licensed to work in Florida, Georgia, New Jersey, Virginia New Mexico and Pennsylvania
Counseling & Therapy Services
1) Individual Counseling Services
2) Child Therapy & Teen Therapy
3) Art Therapy Yes, art therapy can be used as a tool in couples therapy. Art therapy can provide a non-verbal way for couples to communicate and express their feelings and thoughts.
Facilitating expression: Art therapy can help couples express emotions and thoughts that may be difficult to put into words.Providing a visual representation: Art therapy can provide a visual representation of the relationship, helping couples understand their dynamic and identify areas for improvement. Encouraging collaboration: Couples can work together on art projects, encouraging collaboration and teamwork.Promoting emotional healing: Art therapy can help couples process emotions related to past traumas or conflicts, promoting emotional healing.
Art therapy can be used as a complementary approach in couples therapy, alongside traditional talk therapy and other techniques. It provides an alternative way for couples to communicate and work towards resolving conflicts.
4) Couples Counseling & Marriage Therapy Couples counseling and marriage therapy refer to similar forms of therapy for couples, but there is a slight difference in their approach and focus.
Couples counseling focuses on resolving specific issues: Couples counseling is more focused on resolving specific issues such as communication problems, conflicts, and relationship dynamics.
Marriage therapy is more comprehensive: Marriage therapy is a more comprehensive approach that focuses on improving the overall functioning of the relationship, including personal and emotional growth for each partner.
Couples counseling is shorter term: Couples counseling is typically shorter-term and may only last a few sessions, while marriage therapy may be longer-term and go deeper into underlying issues.
6) Support Groups our support groups are designed for individuals. We do not allow both people in the couple to attend the same support group. While we know that couples might benefit from this, we believe it's best for groups to either be designed for couples or for singles and not to mix the two.
If I decide to go the route of seeking couples counseling services in Philadelpia, Ocean City, Mechanicsville, Santa Fe, how many sessions will I need? The number of couples counseling sessions required can vary depending on the specific needs and goals of the couple. Some couples may only need a few sessions to resolve specific issues, while others may require longer-term therapy to address deeper-rooted problems.
- Short-term therapy: Some couples may only require 6-12 sessions, as they may only have one or two specific issues they need to resolve.
- Long-term therapy: Other couples may require long-term therapy, which can last several months or even years. This may be necessary if the couple has complex relationship issues that need to be addressed over time.
The frequency of sessions can also vary, with some couples attending weekly sessions and others attending less frequently. The duration and frequency of therapy is decided by the couple and their therapist, based on their individual needs and progress.
Ultimately, the number of sessions required for couples counseling is unique to each couple and their specific situation.
Common 'topic' areas that couples come to sessions struggling with are:
ADHD, ADD, Dyslexia, Expressive Language Disorders, Autism, and Tourettes, Tics, Functional Neurological Disorders, Anxiety, OCD, Panic Attacks Therapy Services, Anger, Frustration, Upset, Infertility, Babyloss Therapy, Pregnancy Loss, Mood Disorders, Depression Therapy Services, Eating Disorders, anorexia, bulimia, body image issues, Grief & Loss Therapy Services, Mindfulness Based Therapy, Personality Disorders like Narcissism, Borderline, and Shame Therapy Services, Sexual Compulsion Recovery, Porn and Internet Dependence, Sex Therapy: Sexual function & dysfunction treatment, Emotional, Physical and / or Sexual Trauma Therapy Services, Relationship Problems, Premarital Counseling, Divorce Counseling, Blended Families and Step-parenting.
Recovering from an affair is typically 20 sessions. Recovering from sexual compulsions is typically 30-60 sessions. Recovering from an erectile dysfunction is typically 10 sessions. Each issue, as well as dynamic is unique to the individual and to the couple. By the end of the first session, the couples counselor / marriage therapist should be able to to provide some feedback and have an accurate sense of what the work wil look like.
