The Importance of Reciprocal Relationships: while most of us would agree on the importance of reciprocal relationships, we don’t consciously think about this idea of reciprocity when it comes to friendships and romantic relationships. Reciprocity is a mutual exchange of actions, goods, energy, time, emotion, etc. between two people. Reciprocity is similar to a game of tennis or ping pong. There’s a rhythm or a flow of a back and forth exchange. When someone reciprocates our efforts, it can leave us feeling validated in our choices and friendship, energized to keep going in this friendship or relationship and give more, and leaves us with this overall sense that we are valued and appreciated. Meaningful friendships as well as romantic relationships requires investment, and reciprocity can be the gauge of whether or not the investment is worth it. A few things to note about reciprocity: This article focuses on the reciprocity between peers. Reciprocity cannot be measured in all relationships, for example a parent/child relationship. There is nothing reciprocal about being a parent. You love your child unconditionally often expecting and receiving nothing in return. It’s a much different relationship than relationships with a peer or a spouse, and that is to be expected.
Individual Therapy: It’s okay to assess
Often when clients are challenged to asses the reciprocity, or the “give and take” in their relationships, a common complaint is they feel guilty and greedy for exploring how their relationships benefit them. Assessing reciprocity is not about “tit for tat,” it about taking an honest look at the dynamics in your relationships and assessing the investment on each side.
Where in the relationship do you feel fulfilled? Where you each get your needs met and fulfillment in the relationship may be entirely different, and that’s common. However, if you’re unable to identify exactly what you’ve invested in and where you typically get something out of the relationship, then this may be a friendship you may want to reconsider.
Individual Therapy: When assessing, here are some areas you may want to explore
-Do you receive emotional support from this person? Encouragement?
-Is she/he there at a moments notice when you’re in need? Or, has this person filled this role rather regularly in the past?
-Do you feel you can be completely honest with this person, even if it poses potential conflict?
-Does this person serve as inspiration? Either through words or action?
-Do you feel (more often than not) that this person has your best interest at heart?
Individual Therapy: Investment
Realistically, reciprocity between two people may not always have a constant and even flow. Depending on people’s life circumstances, they may not be able to give as much as they are receiving from you. Maybe they just had their first child, or they lost a parent, or they just went through a significant move. However, this is where the concept of investment comes in. Do you feel the two of you have invested enough in the relationship in the past that you have a strong enough foundation to be more of the giver during this time? The most important question to ask yourself in such a situation is, do you believe your friend would do the same for you? Would he/she sacrifice her needs and be the friend you need during this time? If your answer is yes, then you know you have a strong enough friendships that it can survive temporary inconsistent reciprocity. However, if your answer is no, then what is it that keeps you in this friendship? What is your motivation to continue this relationship?
Individual Therapy: When the relationship is not reciprocal
You’ve assessed, you’ve explored, and you’ve identified that one of your relationships is not reciprocal, so now what? It is up to you to decide if you want to cut ties completely, confront your friend about the unbalance and how you feel about it, or you can decrease the amount of energy and effort you put into this relationship and simply prioritize this friendship less. Perhaps, there is still something in this relationship you feel is rewarding to you, and you don’t want to let go completely, but you are will to let go slightly. That’s okay. Not every relationship will have the same level of closeness, connection, and time and energy spent. We have many relationships that fill different needs at different times.
Individual Therapy: It’s okay to walk away
Your time is valuable, and so is what you bring to your relationships. It’s okay to be selective in how and who you spend your time with. Who is worth your time? Who is worth investing in? As we get older, there is personal time, and less time to spend with friends. So when that opportunity is there to be social and catchup on your relationships, it’s important that the relationships deserve it. Not every relationship will be worth it, and not every relationship is meant to last forever. Certain relationships are meant to fill a specific purpose and time in your life.
We all need people in our life who contribute to our growth in someway. Whether it’s simply by being support in a time of need, or someone who challenges us to expand our way of thinking, regardless of what it is, it’s important and healthy to have people around you that help you thrive and grow. When we allow people in who do not add to our life in anyway, or simply take without giving back, we are susceptible to stagnation, burnout, or even a poor sense of self. To really take inventory of the quality of your friendships with the goal of eliminating any non-reciprocal or toxic friends, it means we value ourselves enough to believe we deserve better, we deserve to be treated the way we treat others.
You can self schedule an in-person or virtual therapy session at the Center for Growth by calling (215) 922- LOVE (5683) x 100.
Our Guarantee: If after your first session you are not sold that you are working with the right therapist, do not hesitate to call our intake line at 215 922 5683 x 100 or Alex at (267) 324-9564 and ask to be rescheduled with another therapist. The choice of how you want to proceed is yours. Our only goal is to support you in becoming the best you possible.
For your convenience, we have brick and mortar offices and work with clients virtually in Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, New Jersey, New Mexico, Pennsylvania, and Virginia.
Physical Therapy Office Locations:
Ocean City Therapy Office 360 West Ave, Floor 1, Ocean City, NJ 08226
Mechanicsville Therapy Office 9044 Mann Drive, Mechanicsville Virginia, 23116
Society Hill Therapy Office 233 S. 6th Street, C-33, Philadelphia PA 19106
Art Museum / Fairmount Therapy Office 2401 Pennsylvania Ave, Suite 1a2, Philadelphia PA 19130
Providence Therapy Office 173 Waterman St. Providence, RI 02906
Fayetteville Therapy Office 101 Devant Street #606, Fayetteville GA 30214
Santa Fe Therapy Office, 2204 B Brothers Road, Santa Fe, New Mexico, 87505
Telemedicine Therapy Locations: We have therapists who are licensed to work in Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, New Jersey, New Mexico, Pennsylvania and Virginia and Pennsylvania
Therapy Services Offered in Fayetteville, Ocean City, Mechanicsville, Philadelphia, Providence, Santa Fe:
Individual Counseling and therapy
Couples Counseling and marriage counseling
Teen Therapy and Adolescent Therapy and tweens and child counseling
Family Therapy and multi-generational counseling
Art Therapy and Counseling no art skills needed
ADHD Therapy and ADD, Dyslexia, Autism, Tourettes counseling
Anxiety, Panic, OCD Therapy and worry and fear support
Breaking the cycle of Codependency and being your own person
Overcoming Chronic Illness and Chronic Pain .
Depression Therapy and sadness, gloom, and upset support
Functional Neurological Disorder (FND) Therapy is a particular style of therapy designed for people with problems affecting their nervous system, how the brain and body send and receive signals.
Grief Therapy and loss, End of A Relationship, rejections, pregnancy and loss and therapy
Mindfulness Based Therapy and spirituality based therapy
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery child of, parent of, spouse of, sibling of a narcissist.
Sex Therapy and sexual function & dysfunction, sex addiction, sexual orientation and gender identity support
Trauma Therapy both emotional and sexual abuse, complex trauma, PTSD counseling
Divorce support
Affairs, Infidelity, Unfaithful, Cheating counseling
Parenting therapy
Personality disorder treatments Narcissist, Borderline, Histrionic
Setting Boundaries and identifying ones own Core Beliefs
Just name some of the Mental Health issues that we work with. Our goal is to help you Change and Achieve Your Dreams
