Discovering a Worthy Goal

Discovering a Worthy Goal:

How to Start a Small Goals Journal For ADHD and Set Attainable, Personally Meaningful Goals That Open Your Eyes to Your Own Unique World

When was the last time you set a goal for yourself? Do you remember what came of it?

If you can remember at first feeling hopeful and exhilarated at the possibilities that were before you, but later losing momentum and feeling deflated and disappointed at the lack of sustainable change or progress you were able to make, you are not alone.

For many adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), traditional methods of goal setting may cause exhausting cycles of overwhelm and disappointment. Challenges in maintaining focus and organization often lead to difficulties in committing to long term goals.

It is understandable to think that as an adult with ADHD, you are just not cut out for improving your life through goal-making. Defeating past experiences may have taught you that you cannot be trusted to make complex, meaningful, long-term changes in your own life on your own terms. Or, committing to goals may bring up difficult experiences of pushing yourself too hard to the point that you can no longer continue. In these moments, you may question why it was important for you to accomplish these goals in the first place. You may find that goal-setting brings up feelings of rigidity, irritability, and dissatisfaction with the immediate outcomes you are capable of achieving. It may seem painful and unnecessary to attempt committing to a new goal again, if all this has done for you in the past is cause further shame, anxiety, and overwhelm.

If you can relate to any of these experiences, you may benefit tremendously from engaging with a small goals journal. A small goals journal is a tool for identifying and engaging with your dreams and desires in a way that strengthens and heals a person more than it demoralizes and exhausts them. Through a combination of careful, attainable goal-setting and honest observation tracking, one can gradually make moves within their own world that are gratifying and eye-opening. And, importantly, this method can provide a connecting bridge between the person you are (and who you may have trouble accepting) and the person you would like to grow into.

Step 0: Obtain a Journal

The first aspect of this method is obtaining a journal to write your daily small goals in. A cheap, small journal is recommended, because this technique does not require an excessive amount of writing, and writing fewer words can actually be more helpful, in order to encourage greater action-orientation rather than endless contemplation. A dollar store or similar kind of value store is a great place to find affordable journals.

Step 1: Clarify Dreams and Define Goal Categories

In order to establish goals which are personally meaningful to you, you must first be honest with yourself about your desires. This can be a daunting task, but it is important to clarify what your dreams are for this present moment of your life. It is useful to reflect on the following question: if I could wake up today and have a life that fulfills me, what would that life look like? How would I use my time and what qualities may I have (that I may lack or struggle with now)? What may I want to change?

It is important to distinguish between your dreams and what you think is expected of you or that you should have accomplished by now. Passion and personal drive fuel the former, while shame and unhelpful comparison to others’ lives fuel the latter.

Once you have imagined these particular dreams and desires, write them down on the first set of pages of your journal. It may be daunting to even write these down or perhaps feel embarrassing if they include dreams and desires you don’t ordinarily identify with or tell others about. This is okay. If you want, you can keep this list of dreams and desires to yourself until you feel ready to share them with others.

From here, you can look for 2 or 3 broad categories of goals that align with the dreams you have listed. You may focus on particular areas of your life you would like to put work into (eg. work, body, self-trust, relationships, creative practice) or personal qualities within yourself you would like to develop and practice more of (eg. practicality, professionalism, whimsicalness). Write these categories on the page next to your list of dreams and desires.

You will then use these goal categories to create 2 or 3 small goals each day.

Step 3: Create Some Worthy Goals

The following list is intended to be a general guide for discovering worthy goals. Reflecting on these qualities can help you to create goals that align with your values and have the best chance of engaging you in your life in a meaningful way. Goals written with these qualities can help you to build upon your strengths, trust in yourself, and learn about your environment. To remind yourself of these guidelines, I would suggest writing each of them down at the front of your journal (after your list of dreams and goal categories) for easy reference later on.

Intuitive Qualities of Attainable, Personally Meaningful Goals

It’s possible for it to be something other than a “should”
It requires some contact with the unknown
The idea of never trying it is a bit painful to me
Trying it could show me things I don’t already know
It’s easy enough that I know I could more or less do it if I tried
It’s hard enough for me that I will have to muster some courage to do it
I only try it when my heart consents to trying it in the present moment
It is not motivated by shame for who I am or what my life is currently. It is motivated by a desire to try something new and to see what happens.

Here are some examples of small goals which have met these criteria for me in the past:

Spend 12 minutes putting away objects in my room
Spend 5 minutes asking my body how it wants to move or be cared for today
Talk to one person I don’t know at a party

Once your small goals are decided, open your journal to two blank pages.

On the right-side page of your journal, write your 2 to 3 small goals.
On the left page of your journal, write the title: What I Learned Today from Trying. This is where you will track your observations as you try your goals.

Step 4: Try a Goal and Take Notes of What I Learned Today from Trying

As you attempt your first goal, actively observe your own experience. What is happening that surprises you? Are there feelings or thoughts that come up as you make this attempt that you didn’t expect to have? Is the response to your trying different from what you expected? Are there things you are learning about your environment or area of interest that you weren’t aware of when you originally wrote your small goal?

All of these observations are valuable pieces of information that are worth writing down. Taking these notes can help you to understand yourself and your environment in richer and clearer ways. You may become aware of obstacles you hadn’t considered before, as well as personal strengths and abilities you hadn’t considered before. Choosing to be mindful of your own experience and recording honest observations allows you to derive value and direction from your attempts regardless of the outcome. It may still be frustrating to attempt a small goal and not succeed, but the information you gain from this attempt will not go to waste if you are able to be honest, fair, particular, and curious about what you still learned from this experience.

For adults with ADHD, short-term rewards are particularly useful for encouraging sustained focus and motivation. Choosing to track What I Learned Today from Trying allows you to have a tangible, visual representation of the fruits of your labor, which can serve as an immediate and meaningful reward for your efforts.

Additionally, adults with ADHD tend to be highly curious and interested in novel stimuli. Tracking surprising observations through this method encourages you to make use of your curiosity and align it with your goals rather than feel shame or avoidance towards it. After all, curiosity is a strong asset for learning, life satisfaction and meaningful relationships, so why not use it to your advantage?

Mark Sorrentino is an intern therapist with particular interest in creative goal attainment and ADHD. He is available for in-person sessions at the Art Museum office in Philadelphia, PA as well as for virtual sessions in PA and NJ.

You can self schedule an in-person or virtual therapy session at the Center for Growth by calling (215) 922- LOVE (5683) x 100.

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