Infertility is an extremely emotional experience. The diagnosis of infertility catches people off-guard. You have not planned for or anticipated an infertility diagnosis, and are now experiencing the many emotions associated with infertility. You may be wondering if these emotional experiences are normal. You may also be wondering why you and your spouse may be experiencing different emotions when you are going through the same thing.
Let me start off by telling you that the emotions you are experiencing are NORMAL. Emotions are innate responses to life situations. The diagnosis of infertility is a very difficult life situation. You are destined to respond to infertility with a number of emotions, especially because a diagnosis of infertility will most likely impact many parts of your life. For instance, an infertility diagnosis may cause you to question your future goals, body image, purpose in life, religious beliefs, romantic relationships, family roles, etc. You will have different emotional responses to the different situations you are faced with, which is why you will experience many emotions during your journey through infertility. The emotions or reactions to infertility that you may experience include guilt, shame, grief/loss, anxiety, and jealousy,
Guilt
Guilt is an emotion you experience when you feel like your behaviors are harmful to other people. The experience of guilt may be related to:
- Blaming yourself for the infertility.
- Your inability to provide your parents with grandchildren.
- Not being able provide your spouse with children.
- Using reproductive technologies that do not align with your religious beliefs.
Shame
Shame is similar to guilt but instead of feeling like your behaviors are bad, instead, you feel like you are bad. Infertility can lead to feelings of shame. Examples of how infertility can lead to feeling shame include:
- What did I do to deserve being infertile?
- My body is defective.
- I cannot even be a real woman or man.
- I am being punished.
Grief/Loss
Grief occurs when you have experienced a loss. When someone experiences grief they may experience other emotions such as depression, sadness, and anxiety. You may experience grief related to:
- Your infertility diagnosis.
- The sense of mourning the anticipated life goal of parenthood.
- Losing the ability to have a biological child.
- The physical reminders that you are not having a baby.
Anxiety
Anxiety is a feeling of stress, worry, or nervousness we experience when we are uncertain about an outcome or situation in our lives. The diagnosis of infertility leaves you with many unanswered questions. Your anxiety may be caused by:
- Wondering about what is causing your infertility.
- Uncertainty about the future.
- Nervousness about having sex on schedule.
- Stress over the financial cost of fertility treatment .
Jealousy
Jealousy is the emotional experience of inadequacy or insecurity, particularly around loss of connection. An infertility diagnosis can create many moments where you feel inadequate or insecure, evaluating yourself against other people. You feelings of jealousy may be a result of:
- Seeing other people around you successfully carry a pregnancy to full-term.
- Getting an invitation to a friend or family member’s baby shower.
- Hearing stories of young women easily becoming pregnant.
- Feeling disconnected from friendships because you do not have a child.
Let me also tell you that it is okay if you and your spouse have different emotional experiences. Infertility will be difficult for both of you. You may be asking why you and your spouse are experiencing different emotions. You will have different roles in the attempts to become pregnant and with different roles come different emotional experiences. It is important for each of you to communicate your emotional experiences with one another. I encourage you to become curious about your spouse’s emotional experience.
Providing a safe space for you and your spouse to discuss their emotional experience is critical to better understanding each other. Remember, infertility caught you off-guard, do not repeat this cycle. I encourage you to not blindside your spouse with this conversation. You may want to decide on a time when you two decide to talk about your experience with an infertility diagnosis. This conversation could be emotionally difficult, which is why it is best to plan a time.
Prepare for the conversation. What questions would you want to ask your spouse? Having a list of questions will prepare you for this conversation. Below is a list of questions you may consider asking your spouse:
- What has our infertility diagnosis been like for you?
- Can you share with me some of the emotions you are experiencing?
- What is it like for you to experience these emotions?
- When is the infertility diagnosis most difficult for you?
- What emotions do you experience when you see my emotions related to the infertility diagnosis?
- What helps you cope with your emotional response?
Remember, your spouse may become curious about your emotional experience. Think about what you hope to share with your spouse about your experience. Reflect on your own personal journey. You want to encourage these conversations, so be ready to engage in this emotional conversation with your spouse.
If you and/or your spouse continue to have difficulty with the emotional experience of infertility please reach out to one of our infertility therapists at The Center For Growth by calling 215 922 5683 x 100 and speaking to a therapist located in Philadelphia, PA, Ocean City NJ, Mechanicsville VA.
You can self schedule an in-person or virtual therapy session at the Center for Growth by calling (215) 922- LOVE (5683) x 100.
Our Guarantee: If after your first session you are not sold that you are working with the right therapist, do not hesitate to call our intake line at 215 922 5683 x 100 or Alex at (267) 324-9564 and ask to be rescheduled with another therapist. The choice of how you want to proceed is yours. Our only goal is to support you in becoming the best you possible.
For your convenience, we have brick and mortar offices and work with clients virtually in Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, New Jersey, New Mexico, Pennsylvania, and Virginia.
Physical Therapy Office Locations:
Ocean City Therapy Office 360 West Ave, Floor 1, Ocean City, NJ 08226
Mechanicsville Therapy Office 9044 Mann Drive, Mechanicsville Virginia, 23116
Society Hill Therapy Office 233 S. 6th Street, C-33, Philadelphia PA 19106
Art Museum / Fairmount Therapy Office 2401 Pennsylvania Ave, Suite 1a2, Philadelphia PA 19130
Providence Therapy Office 173 Waterman St. Providence, RI 02906
Fayetteville Therapy Office 101 Devant Street #606, Fayetteville GA 30214
Santa Fe Therapy Office, 2204 B Brothers Road, Santa Fe, New Mexico, 87505
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Therapy Services Offered in Fayetteville, Ocean City, Mechanicsville, Philadelphia, Providence, Santa Fe:
Individual Counseling and therapy
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Teen Therapy and Adolescent Therapy and tweens and child counseling
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Functional Neurological Disorder (FND) Therapy is a particular style of therapy designed for people with problems affecting their nervous system, how the brain and body send and receive signals.
Grief Therapy and loss, End of A Relationship, rejections, pregnancy and loss and therapy
Mindfulness Based Therapy and spirituality based therapy
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Just name some of the Mental Health issues that we work with. Our goal is to help you Change and Achieve Your Dreams