How To Stay Broken Up

How to stay broke up: relationship counseling in philadelphia, ocean city, mechanicsville, santa fe image

How To Stay Broken Up: Relationship Counseling In Philadelphia, Ocean City, Mechanicsville, Santa Fe.

Breakups are hard, painful, and often messy. Wanting to avoid that makes sense, which is why so many couples struggle to stay broken up. At the same time, going back to your ex can also bring pain in the long run. If you are unsure whether your ex should stay an ex, or if you simply need more assurance, this article is for you. Specifically, you will learn how to stay broken up.

Remembering The Initial Breakup: How To Stay Broken Up: Relationship Counseling

When trying to stay broken up, it is important to remember why the initial breakup happened in the first place. What were the specific reasons? Was there long-distance, infidelity, incompatibility, miscommunication? Furthermore, reflect on the emotions that you felt, as well as the reasons behind them. Were you angry during the breakup, or perhaps morose? What fueled those emotions? Was the partner insensitive to your needs? Did you feel ignored? By asking yourself these questions, you’re also asking yourself if getting back together is healthy or even feasible. This is especially the case regarding threats to safety.

Sometimes, a person ends a relationship in order to protect themselves from abuse or trauma, whether it’s emotional, physical, or sexual. If that were the reason for the breakup, reconnecting with the ex could jeopardize the person’s safety. Not all breakups are the same, which is why it’s so important to reflect on why they occurred. If safety is not a concern regarding your breakup, ask yourself other questions, such as the probability of change.

Reality Testing: How To Stay Broken Up: Relationship Counseling:

Use reality testing to ask yourself one question, “Will things change this time around?” Reality testing is the utilization of objective evidence to assess a situation. Therefore, what are the facts that support or challenge your answer to the earlier question? Here’s a quick example.

Answer: “Things will be different this time around.”

Evidence That Supports	Evidence That Challenges
We love each other.	This is our third time getting back together.
	The core issue hasn’t changed (i.e., sex outside the relationship)
	We haven’t done anything new, like going to couples therapy.

Based on the example, it doesn’t seem as though things would actually be different if the person got back with their ex. Do this activity for yourself and see what answers come up for you. If you find that getting back with your ex would be unhealthy, here are some ways to reduce your chance of going back to them.

Accessibility and Limiting Contact:How To Stay Broken Up: Relationship Counseling

Take a moment to reflect on how you tend to contact your ex. For instance, if you were to try to reach out to them right now, how would you do so? Whichever method you chose, think about whether you could incorporate barriers to that mode of communication. If it’s through texting and phone calls, delete and/or block their number. If it’s through social media, unfriend or unfollow them. Speaking of electronic communication, try “unplugging” from your ex’s accounts. Remove their Netflix from your devices, disconnect from their Google Calendar, and free yourself from any opportunity to do online spying. It’s the 21st century, so you have to separate yourself physically and electronically from your ex. Don’t be afraid to enlist help from your friends and family. Not only can they help you uphold your boundaries, but they can also be healthier alternatives for support.

Create A Healthier Environment: How To Stay Broken Up: Relationship Counseling

Being in a relationship can satisfy several needs, or at least give the illusion of doing so. Therefore, one way to stay broken up is to get your needs met in a healthier way. here is a short list of needs that people try to satisfy through dating.

Companionship
Excitement
External validation
Lust
Skin hunger
Support

While being in a relationship can definitely help satiate some of these needs, it isn’t the only way to satisfy them. Many people believe that one’s romantic partner should provide everything that they need. Not only is it unfair, it is also untrue. Friends, family, and platonic loved ones can be great resources in helping you get what you deserve. Here’s another list that can help with satiating some of your needs independent of your ex.

Game night with friends
Joining an adult learning class
Spending the weekend at a friend’s place
If religious, engaging in the community
Renting an Airbnb with family
Inviting a friend over for dinner
Dog or cat sit for a friend to help with skin hunger

This list is not exhaustive, and won’t fully replace a romantic relationship. However, that isn’t your goal. You’re simply trying to stay broken up with your ex. Creating a healthy environment is one step in achieving that goal.

Overall, not going back to your ex can be very difficult. There’s familiarity and a history of positive moments. At the same time, there is likely a reason why this person is your ex. To keep them that way, reflect on why the breakup happened, engage in reality testing, reduce accessibility to them, and create a healthy alternative to being with them. If you still struggle after doing those interventions, individual therapy might be necessary. Talk to one of our relationship counselors about individual counseling.

You can self schedule an in-person or virtual therapy session at the Center for Growth by calling (215) 922- LOVE (5683) x 100.

Our Guarantee: If after your first session you are not sold that you are working with the right therapist, do not hesitate to call our intake line at 215 922 5683 x 100 or Alex at (267) 324-9564 and ask to be rescheduled with another therapist. The choice of how you want to proceed is yours. Our only goal is to support you in becoming the best you possible.

For your convenience, we have brick and mortar offices and work with clients virtually in Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, New Jersey, New Mexico, Pennsylvania, and Virginia.

Physical Therapy Office Locations:

Ocean City Therapy Office 360 West Ave, Floor 1, Ocean City, NJ 08226
Mechanicsville Therapy Office 9044 Mann Drive, Mechanicsville Virginia, 23116
Society Hill Therapy Office 233 S. 6th Street, C-33, Philadelphia PA 19106
Art Museum / Fairmount Therapy Office 2401 Pennsylvania Ave, Suite 1a2, Philadelphia PA 19130
Providence Therapy Office 173 Waterman St. Providence, RI 02906
Fayetteville Therapy Office 101 Devant Street #606, Fayetteville GA 30214
Santa Fe Therapy Office, 2204 B Brothers Road, Santa Fe, New Mexico, 87505
Telemedicine Therapy Locations: We have therapists who are licensed to work in Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, New Jersey, New Mexico, Pennsylvania and Virginia and Pennsylvania