When life is uncertain and your anxiety heightens have you ever made up really negative stories that just continue to raise your feelings of anxiety? You may be asking what I mean by a negative story. A negative story happens when we are faced with an unknown situation and in order to help make sense and deal with your anxious feelings, you make up a story that is usually the worst case scenario.
An example of a negative story would be when you first start to date someone. In the early days of dating there is usually a lot of uncertainty. Think back to the moments you texted and did not receive a text right back. You were forced to wait for a response. In the space of the unknown, you may tend to tell yourself negative stories. Negative stories are usually linked to our deepest insecurities. For instance, if you believe you are unlovable, you may tell yourself that “They do not like me anymore.” If you worry that you are not good enough, you may say “They must be on a date with someone else.”
If you are like most of the population, I would have to imagine you have done this once or twice in your life. We fear the unknown. This is why people fear change and are scared of the dark. It is also in these moments that these stories creep up. These stories are usually familiar. You become used to telling yourself these stories when faced with uncomfortable and anxiety provoking situations. These negative stories are familiar, so it feels safe to grab a hold of them when life is tough.
Repeated negative stories can be very dangerous to our mental health, well-being, and ability to take on healthy life risks.
How prevalent are your negative stories. It is important to recognize when these stories begin to take shape. Take a look at the questions below and spend time over the next few days or week to assess the negative stories in your life.
1. What is the recurring theme to your story?
Themes common to negative stories include fearing that you will be abandoned, worrying that you are not good enough, feelings of being a fraud and being discovered, not believing you are loveable, sensing that you will fail, or will not live up to your perceived expectations of the people you love.
2. How has this story helped you?
Negative stories play a role in our lives. There is a reason we keep retelling them to ourselves. Take some time to examine how your negative story has helped you. Sometimes negative stories allow us to stay in our comfort zone because they convey to us that we will not be successful if we step outside that comfort zone.
3. By what means has this story held you back?
By staying in our comfort zone we fail to practice opportunities for growth. In what ways have your negative stories held you back from stepping up to an opportunity for growth? It is common to experience levels of fear and doubt when we step up to a new challenge. It is unhealthy to give up on that challenge because your negative fear and self-doubt stories.
4. What is your earliest memory of this negative story occurring?
Do you remember when you first started to tell yourself and believe these negative stories? Think back to when they started. Can you trace the negative stories back to a certain event, experience, developmental stage, or relationship? Negative stories often start in our early life and follow us for years after. By recognizing the negative stories you begin to gain the power to quiet them and replace them with more accurate and less self-defeating stories.
5. When does your negative story occur?
We tend to have areas where we are confident in our life and other areas in our life that we have less confidence or experience. Confidence is gained through positive stories and experience, which helps to counteract and negative stories or experience. When we feel confident, we push forward. A lack of confidence has the opposite effect. This is when negative stories creep into our lives. These stories become loud, making it more difficult to see and validate our positive experiences. You should reflect on when you rely on these negative stories. Is there a pattern to when your negative story occurs? What emotions are associated with your negative story?
6. How do your negative stories impact your behavior?
Reflect on the moments that your negative stories may have strongly dictated how you interacted with the world. Do these stories keep you hostage? Do they interfere with your personal and professional relationships? How have they impacted your goals and dreams? How much weight and space do these negative stories take up in your life? What is it like for you when you try and quiet the story? How do you feel when you behave in a way that contradicts the negative story?
7. How are your negative stories accurate?
It is important to recognize if and when your negative stories have been accurate. Do you have experiences that confirm these negative stories? If so, have your negative stories helped you to act in accordance with them? If you keep having experiences that confirm these negative stories, take a look at your behaviors. Have you made attempts to do something differently to change the outcome?
Sometimes our negative stories can take up a lot of space in our life, which makes it difficult to live a happy and fulfilling life. It can be helpful to speak with a therapist to decrease your negative stories and increase your positive stories. All the therapists at The Center for Growth/ Sex Therapy in Philadelphia are trained to work with clients on defeating negative stories.
You can self schedule an in-person or virtual therapy session at the Center for Growth by calling (215) 922- LOVE (5683) x 100.
Our Guarantee: If after your first session you are not sold that you are working with the right therapist, do not hesitate to call our intake line at 215 922 5683 x 100 or Alex at (267) 324-9564 and ask to be rescheduled with another therapist. The choice of how you want to proceed is yours. Our only goal is to support you in becoming the best you possible.
For your convenience, we have brick and mortar offices and work with clients virtually in Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, New Jersey, New Mexico, Pennsylvania, and Virginia.
Physical Therapy Office Locations:
Ocean City Therapy Office 360 West Ave, Floor 1, Ocean City, NJ 08226
Mechanicsville Therapy Office 9044 Mann Drive, Mechanicsville Virginia, 23116
Society Hill Therapy Office 233 S. 6th Street, C-33, Philadelphia PA 19106
Art Museum / Fairmount Therapy Office 2401 Pennsylvania Ave, Suite 1a2, Philadelphia PA 19130
Providence Therapy Office 173 Waterman St. Providence, RI 02906
Fayetteville Therapy Office 101 Devant Street #606, Fayetteville GA 30214
Santa Fe Therapy Office, 2204 B Brothers Road, Santa Fe, New Mexico, 87505
Telemedicine Therapy Locations: We have therapists who are licensed to work in Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, New Jersey, New Mexico, Pennsylvania and Virginia and Pennsylvania
Therapy Services Offered in Fayetteville, Ocean City, Mechanicsville, Philadelphia, Providence, Santa Fe:
Individual Counseling and therapy
Couples Counseling and marriage counseling
Teen Therapy and Adolescent Therapy and tweens and child counseling
Family Therapy and multi-generational counseling
Art Therapy and Counseling no art skills needed
ADHD Therapy and ADD, Dyslexia, Autism, Tourettes counseling
Anxiety, Panic, OCD Therapy and worry and fear support
Breaking the cycle of Codependency and being your own person
Overcoming Chronic Illness and Chronic Pain .
Depression Therapy and sadness, gloom, and upset support
Functional Neurological Disorder (FND) Therapy is a particular style of therapy designed for people with problems affecting their nervous system, how the brain and body send and receive signals.
Grief Therapy and loss, End of A Relationship, rejections, pregnancy and loss and therapy
Mindfulness Based Therapy and spirituality based therapy
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery child of, parent of, spouse of, sibling of a narcissist.
Sex Therapy and sexual function & dysfunction, sex addiction, sexual orientation and gender identity support
Trauma Therapy both emotional and sexual abuse, complex trauma, PTSD counseling
Divorce support
Affairs, Infidelity, Unfaithful, Cheating counseling
Parenting therapy
Personality disorder treatments Narcissist, Borderline, Histrionic
Setting Boundaries and identifying ones own Core Beliefs
Just name some of the Mental Health issues that we work with. Our goal is to help you Change and Achieve Your Dreams
